An Interview with Myself

{In which I crumble under stress and start talking to myself}

So, Linda, your blog has been kind of sucking lately. Only two posts last week? Even after you already lowered your bar? Isn't that kind of pathetic?

Jerk. What kind of opening question is that?

I'm merely making an observation. But I understand you've been working on a lot of photos, so I'll cut you some slack. With all the time you're not spending on your blog, you must have been working super hard on the photos. So you're pretty much done, right?

Ahh... not exactly. I've only processed about 60% of the selected wedding photos so far.

Only?! How many times did you work on them last week?

Erm... three times.

THREE?! But I thought you were taking a break on blogging in order to focus? Obviously you're not doing a good job. Oh, that's right. You did mention something about dinner with relatives and laundry and falling asleep and such nonsense. But that's no excuse for barely working at all. Especially with all the whining you do about it.

I can't help it! That's how I deal with being unmotivated to do something I think I ought to do.

Like when you had tests or papers in college and complained to everyone about how much you needed to study but then did nothing but procrastinate?

What can I say, old habits die hard...

Change them, then! Either work hard on the photos and blog, or take a break and stop stressing yourself over it. At least you'll stop whining.

I don't know. I... I feel obligated to process the photos. Even though some of them take too long and make me feel like a crappy photographer because they're not good enough. I feel so unmotivated and it's seeping into everything else too. Blogging, for one. The lack of substantial posts lately isn't due to lack of material; I have a huge list of post ideas and things I want to write about. But creating the content is so much work, and I'm already failing with the photos — everything I'm doing is turning out terribly — and I hate that I suck and that makes me not want to do anything.

Why are you putting all that pressure on yourself? Chill out. Here, I have an idea. I hereby declare that you have my permission to suck for the rest of this month.

Wait, what? How does that help? I thought the point was to stop sucking. Aren't you supposed to give me a motivational speech or guilt-trip me into being better?

Please, you do enough guilt-tripping on your own, and it clearly hasn't provided the desired result. If you're going to suck anyway, you might as well suck to your heart's content and not feel guilty about it.

Gee thanks.

Go work on the photos you feel like working on, even if it annoys you that it's out of order or whatever. Pick the ones that you love and ignore the ones that are too boring or time-consuming or confidence-draining. You can always go back to punishing yourself in April.

But - the wedding photos!

Work on them if you feel like it. Pick your favorites, the ones you can't wait to show your friends. Do those first and maybe it won't seem like such a chore. Don't beat yourself up if you decide not to work on them for a few days.

What about the blog?

I like the consistent and frequent posting schedule, and you should totally consider returning to it, but recently you've been over-promising and under-delivering. I know it's your way of trying to force yourself to do stuff, but it's not working since you don't follow through. For March, why don't you just post whenever and whatever you want. Even if you think it's terrible and no one will be interested.

Even if I decide not to post anything for two weeks?

If that's what you feel like doing, sure.

Even if I post cryptic one-liners and rambling rants like the Xanga entries I did in high school?

...

Is that a no?

Don't make me change my mind. I think you're mature enough to know better now.

Haha, ok then. Is this supposed to be one of those reverse psychology things where telling myself it's ok to suck is supposed to inspire a ton of brilliance?

I don't know. I just want to get you out of your funk and to stop being so hard on yourself. By the looks of this post, which I'd say is pretty lame, I don't have high hopes for the next two weeks. But maybe you'll at least become motivated enough to create better stuff in April.

So this is like spring break? Sounds good to me! I feel better already. Thanks, you're awesome!

Yeah, I know. :)


with love,
linda