How to Get Grandma to Buy You a Car

{In which my grandma reveals she has our best interests at heart}

Many of you may have heard this story before. But since I've been reading lots of fun blogs by doctors/nurses/med students lately that made me laugh as well as think omg I don't want to be a doctor!!, this story came to mind again. So I felt compelled to share it. (And yes, I may have copied it from my final paper for one of my English classes senior year of college. But I promise I changed a few words here and there. Ok fine, I actually changed it quite a lot. That paper kind of sucked.)

Enjoy!


My parents are Taiwanese-American (as am I, what a coincidence!). They think I am smart (I'm not sure about this one, but since I've heard it from other people who didn't pass their genetic material to me, for now I'll accept that it may possibly be true). Thus it should come as no surprise that they think I should become a doctor (ah, the logic of Asian parents). Strangely enough, my sister agrees with them. I'm not quite sure why. (Some idealistic notion about helping people, perhaps?) Not that it matters; I doubt admissions officers would be pleased to hear that I applied to medical school because it was ratified by majority vote at a family meeting. Although such a decision would definitely meet with the approval of my grandparents - especially my maternal grandmother.

In fact, my grandma is so eager for there to be a doctor in the family that she resorts to some interesting tactics. One time when I was still in high school, she asked me what kind of career I wanted to pursue. "I'm not sure," I replied, truthfully.

"You should be a doctor!" Of course. What else? Then, for extra incentive, she said, "If you attend medical school, Grandma will buy you a car!"

Now that I think about it, she'd probably have to offer to buy me like 5.73874689 cars (number subject to change depending on make/model/year) for me to break even, thanks to the crushing cost of tuition. But I was still young then, so instead of trying to get a better deal, I just gave her a non-committal smile and said, "We'll see, Grandma."

My sister didn't want to be left out. "Will you buy me a car too, Grandma?" she asked.

My grandma beamed and replied, "I'll buy you a car if you marry a doctor!"

Ah yes, she sure knows how to tailor her bribery.

Later, we relayed the exchange to our parents. My sister was indignant at the implied lack of confidence in her academic abilities. "How come she doesn't think I'm smart enough to become a doctor myself?" she complained.

"It's ok," I said. "She doesn't think I'm pretty enough that a doctor would want to marry me."

And my parents, instead of gently helping us process the potentially life-scarring issues of sibling rivalry and low self-esteem bubbling to the surface, laughed and said, "Did she say what kind of car she'd buy you? Try to negotiate for at least a BMW. And make sure you get it in writing!"

Thanks for the tip, Mom and Dad.

But since my sister and I are still close and tend to think of ourselves as pretty awesome people, I guess no permanent damage was done. Now I'm just waiting to see what kind of car Grandma will buy. And what kind of doctor my future brother-in-law will be. :P